You know you are home when it is so hot and stuffy.
You know you are home when once the gate opened, you see those familiar cars & objects.
You know you are home when once you step in your house, & you smell that familiar smell of home.
You know you are home when you can hear the sound from the fish pond & the aquarium & your dog barking when there are people at the door.
You know you are home when you see your room and recognise that bed.
but boo, my bathroom is not working properly so is the wc. pfft.
You know you are home when you walk into the guess room only to notice there are more stocks to be sold than before and start freaking out seeing the amount of boxes. LOL. oh and hi HEEELS.
You know you are home when the first few person you see besides your family are people that means alot to you.
You know you are home when the internet speed is so slow that it is taking forever to load something.

See you tonight baby, sorry I couldn't join you last night. will make it up to you.

and its great to be home.

butwhydoifeelthatsomethingismissing?

Like seriously, I can't take it anymore.

It's too fucking hot.

Almost fainted 2 days in a row while walking home.

Diu, it's not even summer yet ffs.

& seriously, my ipod can take and throw at dog already. fucking hanged for 2 times already.

luckily I finished watching all the episodes my sister put into my ipod for me. awww. ILY

but it has to be restored, which means, no movies for me. ):

must be the heat must be the heat.

and maybe soon my baby will blow up too, need to get it a fan.

urghhhhhhhhhh.

oh. more damage to my bank account. $65 for all my tickets. zone 1, zone 2 and weekend. the guy at the counter was laughing when I told him what tickets I wanted and asked if I needed anything else.

maybe I should explore Melbourne. : D

nah, I don't wanna faint while doing it. sigh.

daddy, can I buy a car now? : D

SLK would be just fine. or I don't mind a z4.

ok fine, maybe just a compressor. : D

They are unhappy, does this mean something? Because they are seldom unhappy with things.



sigh.


I miss my longgggggggggggg hair ):

It's time to decide.

I wonder how does it feels to be a loner.

Is it really that bad? Is that why friends exist, why people get married? to keep each other accompany?

bah, back to nerding.

While I was on Jie's msn yesterday together with his Dota mates, well. they didn't know I wasn't him. so I just played along & cocked with them (half the time I didn't know wtf they were talking about) from pokemons to football to leah dizon (wait, I brought that up) to they were trying to guess if I were a guy / girl no matter how hard Jagjit tried to convince them that I am a girl.

So, this Ryan dude asked. "will you prefer a long but fake or a short but real relationship?" obviously he was testing to see if I were a guy/ girl so I just answered something really ridiculous, something I believed what guys these days are like.

But his answer was stupid. "Confirm girl, because any guy would answer COCK QUESTION" wtf! but in the end he said I am a guy because of what I answered. -.- Heck, it was on purpose heck. for the fun of it. since everyone in there talk cock anyways. ;)

So anyways, he then said normally guys would answer short but real. then it got me thinking wouldn't everyone want that? as I thought further, I believe most girls would choose long but fake, because girls are always in denial. we see it (the break up) coming, but we choose to ignore that thought and just pretend everything is a-okay when it's not.

If only we chose to acknowledge its existence & work things out. I wonder what will the outcome be. Because it's normally that we acknowledge it, its too late, its over. -.-

Friends often say, when it comes to relationship, girls are always the stronger party. but why are guys emotinally weak. If your relationship is not heading to the marriage direction, let go & move on. but then again, we are only 20, who are we to judge. who are we to know whatthefuck is ahead of us?

& they all say, outsiders can always see things clearer. is that always true? heck, don't we all whine when things are fucked? but we never shared the happy thoughts. so what these people see are just pure "isn't it obvious you are not happy. blablabla. it had always been like that, why bother anymore. blablabla" and then it get you thinking why the fuck are these people keep bringing you down instead of being there supporting you like what a friend does. Well, because they don't want to see you suffer? Of course there are friends who will be there to support & stand by you because they themselves once let go of a relationship that got tough & regretted that decision. and because they are your friends, they do not want you to see you in their shoes. but rather fix & patch things up.

now remind me, what was the point of this post again? I honestly don't remember.

but I do know I am tired of hearing all these mean & nasty things (which might be true), but I choose to ignore them. (oh hi living in denial). because I believe we've came this far not just to fuck things up.

and though its been half a year since the last relationship, people still judge. who are you to judge when you know nothing. I depise people who only listened to one party & then make their own conclusion. get a life. so what if I were the topic of discussion. I believe things happen for a reason. & the reason of it happening was. . . . even daddy saw it coming, so I don't see whats a huge deal out of it. love happens for a reason. when its there, it will be there. when its gone, its gone.

as long as I am happy / happier. Well I am, despite it only being half a year or more (last year, beginning of this year?) yes, it started way earlier, see what I mean by people who only listen to one party & then judge? welcome to reality. ok back to where I was, yes I am alot happier, things were much real, it wasn't fullofshit. though it was fucking complicated, rocky, shaky but we been through it all. despite losing friends (yes, of course this would happen), yet I don't understand & will never understand. isn't a best friend supposed to stick by you, listen to your explaination rather than just listen to whatever that idiot said & come up with your own conclusion. as much as I think I owe that person an explanation, but would he even listen? hell no, because his mind is polluted with bullshit & nothing can change that. I believe time heal things. but this time, will time heal that wound?

ok. this is going no where hence I should stop.

shall continue some other time when I feel like it.

Incase you are wondering if I am pissed or anything, I am not. (:

 
ps : I am tired from all these nightmares I had. I really am.