| While I was on Jie's msn yesterday together with his Dota mates, well. they didn't know I wasn't him. so I just played along & cocked with them (half the time I didn't know wtf they were talking about) from pokemons to football to leah dizon (wait, I brought that up) to they were trying to guess if I were a guy / girl no matter how hard Jagjit tried to convince them that I am a girl.
So, this Ryan dude asked. "will you prefer a long but fake or a short but real relationship?" obviously he was testing to see if I were a guy/ girl so I just answered something really ridiculous, something I believed what guys these days are like.
But his answer was stupid. "Confirm girl, because any guy would answer COCK QUESTION" wtf! but in the end he said I am a guy because of what I answered. -.- Heck, it was on purpose heck. for the fun of it. since everyone in there talk cock anyways. ;)
So anyways, he then said normally guys would answer short but real. then it got me thinking wouldn't everyone want that? as I thought further, I believe most girls would choose long but fake, because girls are always in denial. we see it (the break up) coming, but we choose to ignore that thought and just pretend everything is a-okay when it's not.
If only we chose to acknowledge its existence & work things out. I wonder what will the outcome be. Because it's normally that we acknowledge it, its too late, its over. -.-
Friends often say, when it comes to relationship, girls are always the stronger party. but why are guys emotinally weak. If your relationship is not heading to the marriage direction, let go & move on. but then again, we are only 20, who are we to judge. who are we to know whatthefuck is ahead of us?
& they all say, outsiders can always see things clearer. is that always true? heck, don't we all whine when things are fucked? but we never shared the happy thoughts. so what these people see are just pure "isn't it obvious you are not happy. blablabla. it had always been like that, why bother anymore. blablabla" and then it get you thinking why the fuck are these people keep bringing you down instead of being there supporting you like what a friend does. Well, because they don't want to see you suffer? Of course there are friends who will be there to support & stand by you because they themselves once let go of a relationship that got tough & regretted that decision. and because they are your friends, they do not want you to see you in their shoes. but rather fix & patch things up.
now remind me, what was the point of this post again? I honestly don't remember.
but I do know I am tired of hearing all these mean & nasty things (which might be true), but I choose to ignore them. (oh hi living in denial). because I believe we've came this far not just to fuck things up.
and though its been half a year since the last relationship, people still judge. who are you to judge when you know nothing. I depise people who only listened to one party & then make their own conclusion. get a life. so what if I were the topic of discussion. I believe things happen for a reason. & the reason of it happening was. . . . even daddy saw it coming, so I don't see whats a huge deal out of it. love happens for a reason. when its there, it will be there. when its gone, its gone.
as long as I am happy / happier. Well I am, despite it only being half a year or more (last year, beginning of this year?) yes, it started way earlier, see what I mean by people who only listen to one party & then judge? welcome to reality. ok back to where I was, yes I am alot happier, things were much real, it wasn't fullofshit. though it was fucking complicated, rocky, shaky but we been through it all. despite losing friends (yes, of course this would happen), yet I don't understand & will never understand. isn't a best friend supposed to stick by you, listen to your explaination rather than just listen to whatever that idiot said & come up with your own conclusion. as much as I think I owe that person an explanation, but would he even listen? hell no, because his mind is polluted with bullshit & nothing can change that. I believe time heal things. but this time, will time heal that wound?
ok. this is going no where hence I should stop.
shall continue some other time when I feel like it.
Incase you are wondering if I am pissed or anything, I am not. (:
ps : I am tired from all these nightmares I had. I really am.
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